Monday, March 23, 2009

Some Thoughts of A Suicidal Person

I have said I was creating this site to help those dealing with the affects of suicide and those contemplating suicide. I do fully understand both sides as I have personally experienced both sides of it. I lost my brother to suicide on January 19, 2009. It has been very hard trying to deal with the affects of it. He appeared to be so happy all the time no one had any idea anything was wrong. I first had suicidal thoughts in October of 2008. I deal with depression and anxiety. I know many people do not see it as something real or serious but it is. I have been treated for both and have had to go to my doctor to either add medicine, change medicine or change doses. It is ok to need medicine to help you be "happy". I do know it is hard to accept and you can feel as if you are less of a person for it but I am here to tell you that you are not. Medication is good and can help, life is never as "bad" as it seems. Since losing my brother to suicide it brought back a lot of the emotions I had to work through the few months prior when I first felt that way myself.

A person contemplating suicide believes they are doing all their loved ones a favor and taking heartache out of their life. It is a very dark place feeling as if you do not have purpose here on the earth anymore. A suicidal person can also feel as though their trials are too much too handle or even something as simple as every day life. A suicidal person can feel that they can not handle surviving another breath of life. Losing a loved one to suicide is very hard to work through. It has brought the suicidal thoughts back for me and deeper than before. A suicidal person can be happy with things in life and loved ones and still feel they can not make it another minute.

I am striving to learn how to deal with my brother whom I still love dearly being gone from suicide. When a person is truly suicidal they have so many emotions going through them so fast they do not know what to do with it all. They lose control of their thoughts and emotions and they are in a very dark place. Someone who has contemplated suicide is very sensitive to many things. They take many more things personal than they normally would otherwise. They do not see what good they are doing in the world anymore.

I want to share what has helped me get through my really dark and scary moments where I was not sure if I was going to live through another minute. When feeling that way it is very hard to concentrate on things. I have made it through that because I have decided that my dear sweet husband and children are my reason for living. Even if I feel I am not the wife/mother I should be and they might be better off with someone else I have to remind myself that I want to share their life experiences with them. If I were to end my life then I would no longer be able to do that. My husband and children are my world and I have decided they are my reason for living. So if you are contemplating suicide please find your reason for living and decide that you do not really want to end your life. If you do that then when you are in those really dark moments that you are not sure if you are going to survive another minute then you will remember that and can work through it. I am here to tell you that YOU CAN MAKE IT!! If it was not possible for a suicidal person to work through it and make it then I would not be here today. I will tell you it is still hard and you will still have very hard moments but YOU CAN MAKE IT!! Find your reason for living and when in those really dark moments do what you need to to get yourself out of those moments and into some light. (happier moments)

I was not able to help my brother through his hard times so I would like to help anyone else out there who needs it. I really hope this site helps. You need to talk your feelings out with someone who will listen. Do not feel ashamed or like you are wrong for your feelings. If you talk to someone about them and work through them it really does help. I know because I have tried talking and working through it and I have tried keeping it all inside. Please remember who you are and that you are loved. Each one of us has a purpose here on the earth and are needed. Ending one's life is not the answer.

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